Friday, November 12, 2004 :::
Greetings my friends!
How have you all been since my last posting? I've been upto sooooo much:
At the end of August, I finally moved to Boston, MA (GO RED SOXS!) to attend graduate school at Boston University (GO TERRIERS!).
Now aside from studying, I participate in the work-study program and have 2 days of internship to fulfill at the end of every week. How do I cope with all this stuff to do, on a weekly basis? Simple, I wake up at 5:00 a.m.
Do I have much free time for myself? NO!
However, prior to my first midterm, I took off on an impromptu trip to NYC with a classmate. At first, I was not going to go, but I'm glad that I convinced myself to "live a little." During my day and a half in NYC, I visited with family and at night time met my classmate at a bowling alley/nightclub, bowled a couple of games before heading out to a concert featuring various up and coming artists, and then heading out to the Pussycat Lounge (strip club) for the after-party along the L.A. posse sponsoring the concert. That night I met so many people. People that I won't see again, BUT IT WAS FUN! There were the artists from the concert, artistic agents, art directors, radio station execs., all of the invitees, plus the last minute invitees like myself.
All in all, I had an amazing time! It was fun. I was able to reduce my built-up stress from impending midterm papers. I felt so amazingly free! It almost can be described as a feeling of empowerment, to take off with a group of L.A. strangers to an after-party with no chaperone or bodyguard to watch my back in case of trouble. Then again, why would I need one? I'm a big girl now..."been there done that." I am 31 years-old and independence is my best comrade.
Anyhow, in the dating department, which hasn't existed for me for several years, I am flustered. Lord knows that right now I am more than happy to be on my own. My last crash and burn , so-called relationship took place back in February 2003 (no dating ever occurred there). That one was horrifyingly memorable enough to withdraw from the dating scene until present day. I don't know if I should consider myself jaded. I just don't want another ill-fated relationship, or booty call. I mean, why bother? Why put myself through the pain of becoming one-sidedly involved? It's never been worth the emotional hardship that I've experienced. Never! So now, when feeling somewhat pursued by a 25 year-old, I am EXTREMELY RELUCTANT, RESISTANT, and SUSPICIOUS, as to the intentions of this guy. For just about every one of his advances, I take two steps back. I don't want to let myself feel. I can't allow myself to become involved. I don't want to hurt.
I believe that by now, this guy has gotten the hint, the message, THE SIGN because he has been acting differently towards me. Then again, I'm not familiar with his normal behaviors, so I have no clue as to what to expect from any of his behaviors. HE IS SO UNPREDICTABLE and CONFUSING. I wish I could clearly pinpoint his intentions towards me, but I can't. Is he trustworthy? Hell, there are MORE THAN PLENTY of girls within the 2006 graduating class, so he could act like a Hummingbird for the next two years and fly from flower to flower pollenating each and every one of them, and I would never know until I ended up with a case of Mononucleosis, Herpes or worse.
Now a days, there is just too many things to consider before getting into a relationship.
However, there is something about him that may be breaking down my walls of resistance, but it isn't significant enough yet. All I do know is that I kind of miss his attentions towards me, when he's not around, which happens to be all of the time. Although, I might not just be missing the attentions, it could be missing him all together. Who knows?
He is wacky, funny, smart, and entertaining. He is in all but 2 of my grad school courses. In class, we rarely speak to each other. After class, he goes his way and I go mine. We have only met outside of school approximately 5 times within the last 30 days. I don't know what to make of that. I mean, he sure does have a BUSY social schedule, which leaves A LOT to my imagination.
Moreover, all of these thoughts and feelings may as well be useless by now. He's probably already given up his pursuit for me (couldn't blame him). Therefore, I would no longer have anything to be confused about or to question. C'est la vie!!!!
On another topic, I am getting ready for my first two finals in the next two weeks. Urgh!!! I hate having to acknowledge that.
I can't believe that the semester is almost over. I mean, I feel like I just got here. It is crazy how time has been flying past me.
Okay folks, I am immensely hungry right now, so I bid you farewell! Hasta pronto!!!!
Quote of the Day:
Stop to take a good look at life before it passes you by.
