Monday, February 14, 2005 :::
Happy Valentine's Day!
Hope that those of you fortunate enough to have a sweetheart are enjoying yourselves this special day. And to those of you like me without someone, be creative! By this I mean, celebrate by yourselves. Right now, I'm roasting a Perdue chicken in the oven, I also have candles lighting up my place and have essential oils aromatizing my studio apartment. Happy Valentine's Day to me, myself and I.
Well, I was in NYC this past weekend. I went there to meet up with a Match.com guy I'd spoken to for the entire week prior. Okay, so the guy behaved normal, he looked exactly like his photo, he is a big time metrosexual, and has a nice voice. He is well off, isn't cheap, definitely a sharp dresser (all the time--never wears jeans), and seems intelligent and ambitious. We spent all of Saturday together (2 dates with each other on the same day). --I guess things are good if you both agree to see each other twice in the same day. Anyhow, he is very much the gentleman. Okay, to make a long story short, at the end of the night, we made out...of course, he initiated, I merely followed. All was well until we kissed... Yes, his skills for kissing every part of the body is FANTASTICALLY appropriate. HOWEVER, when he kissed my mouth that's when I said to myself, "Houston, we've got a problem!!" Honestly, I didn't know what was going on. I had NEVER EVER, EVER been kissed that way. I was confused/weirded out. I did try to slow down his motion, something, but it didn't work. I was obviously not responding to him accordingly, but it seemed that he didn't want to interrupt his action, in order to ask me what was NOT going on. For some reason these 31 years of life, I've always thought there was a definite/conventional/socially acceptable way to kiss somebody. But I guess I was SUPER wrong. Hmmm? Upon time to go home, I couldn't hold back to ask him if he always kissed that way. I told him that he was all up in there just about gobbling me up (except in reality it was his tongue that he continued to try to shove all the way in my mouth; so basically i had no room to move my tongue anywhere because his occupied the entire space in my mouth). Can you imagine having Gene Simmons from KISS french kiss you that way...well, that's how I freaking felt that night. --Honestly, it even repulsed me somewhat. I kept on trying to leave, but he didn't want to let me go. So on Sunday, I was debating over whether or not I would see this guy again. I was really confused, full of mixed emotions, so I called my best friend T from CT. He is my confidant, a great listener and gives me unbiased advise and suggestions. So I told T about my dilemma. T then told me that because I like many things from this guy, that I should give it a second chance. He told me that alike sexual intercourse, couples can instruct each other on what they like or dislike about the act of kissing. All in all, I decided to give the guy a chance. After all, I was very reluctant, skeptical, distrusting about the meeting this weekend. And now that most of it went well, I think I am looking for excuses to sabotage what could perhaps turn out to be a good thing. Why? Because I too, am VERY, VERY AFRAID of a serious commitment. I don't even know if I'm ready for it. ---Shit, the idea of playing around with the young ones around here had started seeming so convenient...no strings attached. Now, I've got this guy, who is financially stable and claims to be ready for a serious relationship that acording to him will hopefully lead to marriage. The last time I was afraid of a guy's expectations of me, after my mom helped me get over my temporary phobia of commitment and told me to just give the guy a try, I ended up in a serious relationship for about 3 years. Seriously, I am scared of being known as someone's girlfriend, AND have to own up to saying I have a boyfriend. It freaks me out.
I plan to give this guy a chance, so we will see what happens from here on.
Quote of the Day: Shed the fear, step into the unknown!
