I decided to update right now, even though I've only been awake for the past half hour. Geez, I feel like my vision is still somewhat blurry.
Well, Neighbor Boy will simply remain my neighbor. As expected, the weekend in L.A. which was extended because of the snowed-in northeast, ended up being like a short honeymoon for him. So he tells me that now, he has begun a new relationship and that he is confused as to what he should do about me. I simply told him that I didn't care what happened either way, that I was game for whatever. --That's how the cookie crumbles!
Now let's talk Match.com. It amazes me to find that so many people are into internet dating sites such as this one. My gosh, all the stigmas related to internet dating sites seem to fade every time I meet someone, who actively subscribes to such service. It just seems to me that our world today is FULL of lonely people. Yet people keep this fact a secret because they are embarrassed or do not want to be perceived by others as weak or vulnerable.
I've tried this type of service myself, but every time I see a good looking, or hot guy's profile, which are not common; I quickly think, "What is wrong with his persona? Is he damaged goods?" Then I catch myself being overly critical about all of the negative reasons why such a man would need to be on an internet dating service. So, I go back and correct my way of thinking, especially since I, myself have been a subscriber of such service in the past. In other words, I could not be hypocritical and not address the question to myself. --This usually puts me in my place, and then I'm willing to give these good looking/hot guys the benefit of the doubt on why they are subscribers.
Everyone has a reason(s) for deciding to join an internet dating service: there are the people who do it to get laid quickly by any agreeing party, there are the people who have difficulties approaching the opposite sex in person to strike up a conversation, there are people who have bad luck meeting worthy dates via conventional methods, there are people who want to date as a sport, there are the people looking for a spouse, and there are the psychos looking for prey.
Today, it is very common for people to be steadily dating others, who do not meet their physical, sexual and/or personality requirements. In other words, these people are settling for less, in order to have guaranteed sexual encounters. I've met so many people in such situations, but I still do not comprehend what's it worth? I could never see myself living such situation. No way! If a guy falls short of meeting my sexual needs, then his ass is grass. I won't compromise on any part of such needs. Plus, if a guy's looks or personality is not appealing to me, then we won't go beyond an acquaintance status.
I have asked people settling for such situations, why they stay? The common answer was the readily available sex regardless of how dull it may be or how average or below average looking their partner was. Some said that they were afraid to be alone and go back out into the dating scene. Others implied that their self esteem was not up to par to let go of the certain and venture into the gamble.
---I rather be alone! Besides, I LOVE TO GAMBLE!! It's the best adrenaline rush one can get..."to rise victoriously or to crash and burn." It takes a strong person to get up, rising like a Phoenix and try again.
Okay, on another subject: school might prove to be easier this semester if I start taking care of business (i.e., midterm and final papers) WAY BEFORE business is due. This is my plan, athough I think it would be a good idea to get myself a board where I could write such message to remind myself everyday of what I need to be doing on a daily basis. Furthermore, I already began applying for admission for Summer term courses back in FL. Yes, summer in FL is UNBEARABLE, but that's the only place I can lodge for free while I attend school at no more than $99 per course credit. During summer school, I will take some of the usual nursing school prerequisite courses. Then once the term is over, I will soon take the GRE, so that I can submit my nursing school applications by the end of October. As you can read, my agenda is packed for the next 12 months. I love being so focused on what I want out of my career. I am now working on obtaining my Masters degree in Clinical Social Work with a specialty in Family Therapy, and later I plan to be concentrate in becoming a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, which allows me to continue to provide therapeutic interventions to my patients with the added bonus of legally being able to prescribe them medication. When all is done, I see myself practicing my profession in a NYC hospital.
Monday, January 24, 2005 :::
HOORAY FOR SNOW DAYS!!!!
Yes! What a relief...no school tomorrow! I'm happy because it gives me an additional 18 hours to get a ton of paperwork done by Wednesday of this week. I'd thought that I would finish it by Sunday night, but of course that wasn't the case. Doing school work and housework doesn't mix. Anyhow, thank God for the snow day.
Well, school is off to a hectic and busy start. I still struggle with finding more hours in a day to stuff as many required tasks into it as I could.
On a personal note, this past Thursday I worshiped the Porcelain God for the second time in my life. It was brief, but embarrassing. I had gone out on a date with Neighbor Boy. We went to Les Zygomates, a live jazz lounge/restaurant. The band was great, plus there was a special jam session that night by a Chicago blues singer. It was great! My date and I drank a bottle of red wine. I can't remember if it was a pinot noir or a merlot, but I do remember it was from South Africa. Anyhow, after good conversation and finishing the bottle, we each had a regular drink. He asked for a scotch, then I thought, "humm, I should keep up" so STUPID me asked for a cognac. So when he finished his drink, I had finished half of mine and my head was already spinning. I noticed that the bartender had given me almost a double shot of cognac. Now what was up with that? I prefer bartenders stick to the regular 3 oz. shot. Anyhow, as soon as my feet touched the ground once my ass was off of the barstool, I knew I was in trouble. --I wasn't wrong at all because as soon as I took the first step forward, I realized my equilibrium was shot to hell. I had to alert my date and ask him to guide me out of the establishment. Talk about showing vulnerability...damn it, and this was our third date. THAT SUCKED!!
So I am lead gently to the coat check area. By then, the coat check girl had already left for the night, so Neighbor Boy fetched these himself. When he began to assist me with my coat, I decide to visit the restroom right across from us. To my detriment, upon entering the restroom, I look at the floor and of course the pattern on the tiled floor is that similar to a black and white checkered board. --Oh my gosh, I swear to you that friggin' floor looked like it was dancing beneath me. I immediately stopped looking at the damn floor.
Once out of there, we hailed a cab and came home. By the way, I lost one of my leather gloves in the cab. Urgh!
Once in my apartment, I took off my coat and my lace mock cardigan. I then gave him a gift that I had purchased for him while in FL. Just a little thank you for the good times he had shown me, regardless of the "old" stereotyping remark.
He opened the gift which I had boxed in a makeshift cylindrical Victoria's Secret box. --I am very creative, and the box truly looked authentic in shape. Anyhow, he immediately thought that I had presented him with something from Victoria's Secret...that was very funny. Once he opened the gift, he was pleasantly surprised. I was happy to bring satisfaction. Then he thanked me verbally, approached me and kissed me. --Ooh yes! He kissed me and pressed me against my refrigerator. I LOVED IT! However, "Houston, we got a problem."
YES, a BIG problem!! Our kiss, the one thing I had looked forward to since he picked me up at my door, did not last anything over 7 seconds. WHY? Because I suddenly felt nauseous. The mixing of the wine with cognac f*** me up BIG TIME!!! Plus I hadn't had dinner that evening.
This is definitely the MOST embarrassing moment in my life thus far. --I mean, I had to stop the kiss, hold a hand to my mouth as I said "oh my god," then he asked me was I going to be sick, and I replied "yes," as I made him aside and rushed into the bathroom. Next thing I know, I was on my knees in front of the toilet, holding my hair back. Then I hear him immediately say, "do you want me to leave you alone and give you some privacy?" I think I heard him say this a total of three times, even when I had already answered yes by the second time, and had made hand gestures with my free hand for him to go. Okay, so I hurled. I don't know if he witnessed the first splash, but I then quickly heard the door close. So I am in the bathroom hurling, but without making any hurling noises. I was silent because the stomach was propelling everything by itself...I just opened my mouth and let it out.
My hurling was brief...about three good propulsions and that was it. So I wipe and fall back into a sitting position. Then I just start thinking of how embarrassing that incident had been. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more humorous I found the incident. I even began to giggle a bit as I sat on the floor. Finally, I stand up and open the bathroom door and who do I find? Neighbor Boy. He never left my apartment, he had simply closed the bathroom door. Anyhow, he greeted me with a glass of water and asked me if I was okay. I said yes, and I apologized for his witnessing my sudden ailment. He told me not to worry about it because stuff like that happens. Anyways, then he said he'd get going and told me that he'd kiss my cheek. I looked at him with a smile and told him that I didn't blame him.
That's all folks! This was how I ruined my own evening on Thursday. Damn, that sucks!
Anyhow, just recently Neighbor Boy and I decided to hang out more often because we both declared how we enjoy each other's company. And since we have agreed to a "no full-out relationship at the moment" per his request. And I accepted; I mean what the hell, I'm not planning to join a convent, so why should I continue to save myself. Shit, life is going to continue to pass me by, if I continue to stick to such self-limitations. I need to allow myself to have some fun, be it temporary or whatever.
Right now, Neighbor Boy is stuck in Los Angeles because of the cancellation of flights back to Boston. What was he doing over there? Easy; he told me on Thursday night that he was going to visit a girl that he'd met some time ago in Israel (so chances are high that she was born Jewish). Anyhow, he told me that ever since, they have been in touch via e-mail and instant messenger, so he finally decided to pay her a visit now that she has been residing in L.A. for quite a while.
Okay, I am an adult, and as such I don't require an explanation of what this trip will consist of, since when I asked him what plans he had while over there, he said that he didn't know because she hadn't mentioned any. --Can all of you now pinpoint what this trip is really about? Yes, BOOTY CALL, and since he can very well afford to fly all the way to the West coast in order to get some ass, he does!
Do I care; does this bother me??? NOPE! Not at all because I had already figured him out from our first two dates, so I'm not surprised at all. Plus, he is NOT my boyfriend or lover, we are presently nothing. All we are is a pending project. What he does now doesn't concern me, nor what he does later because as long as both parties are playing such game then all is fair.
Oh my, it is time to catch some Zzzz, so that I can finish my paperwork tomorrow.
Quote of the day: What is good for the goose, has always been good for the gander!
I arrived at Atlanta at 11:30 p.m. and ran to my next gate still in hopes that the gate remained open. I saw some people running far ahead of me to the same gate. As I got closer I saw them hand over their boarding passes and enter the tunnel. At that moment, I was sooo relieved YET sooo out of breath, I almost began hyperventilating. So I entered the plane, made my way all the way back to my seat. I got to my row, a decrepit old, chain-smoking woman was sitting on my window seat, but did I care? NOPE! I was too happy and appreciative for having had made my flight, that I didn't feel like being a bitch to the lady and staking my righful claim on the window seat. The time was perfect for effectuating good karma.
Mmm, there was this cute, handsome, tall, blonde, blue-eyed man seated across the aisle, one row back from mine. He was traveling with his two daughters to visit Disney World and Universal Studios. The down fall besides his elementary school-aged baggage was the fact that he was still married. He was very outgoing both with fellow passengers and his children. His personality appealed to me. Then I thought, why can't I find one like that. He shared with fellow passengers, that he had met his wife during college. By the sounds of it, he was still very much in-love with his wife, and adored his kids. These are definitely admirable qualities in a man. I guess that's what attracted me to him besides his looks. Anyhow, don't get me wrong, I'm not and have never been into married men, but after being up since 6 a.m. and stressing over possibly missing my flights, come midnight, I couldn't help being turned on by this man.
By the way, why is it that every time I visit FL, we have shitty weather. What the hell? Even my mother told me so. She said that prior to my arrival date, they had had great sunny weather and precisely on my scheduled date of arrival, it rains all day and according to the forecast it will continue to rain over the weekend. Friggin' lovely!!!
Friday, January 14, 2005 :::
Greetings to all from up above the northeastern clouds.
I write this post as I travel on a Delta flight, which was delayed by an hour and a half. Yes! Am I happy? No…of course not, especially since my connecting flight…yes, I said connecting will most likely NOT be there waiting for me. Well, my flight out of Boston left at 9:00 p.m. and it is a 2.35 minute flight, AND my connecting flight is scheduled to depart at 11:37 p.m. As you may have done the math by now, I will arrive at 11:35 p.m. to Atlanta and of course miss my flight. Will there be another flight for me to fly out tonight in order to get to my home, sweet home…NO! Most likely not, since if I’m not mistaken, there are no flights after midnight…except in Las Vegas, the hub of the red-eye flights.
I can’t believe my luck. First, I left for the airport close to 6:30 p.m. for a flight originally scheduled to leave at 7:35 p.m. I thought that for sure I’d get held up in slow train rides or a long security line, but I made it to the gate 30 minutes prior to the supposed departure time. However, as I'm catching my breath, I soon heard over the loud speaker about the delay, which was originally estimated until 8:00 p.m. But then, once all of us trusting fools boarded the plane, we are told that our pilots are just arriving from another delayed flight. By this point it was 8:15 p.m. already, then we stood still hoping for a prompt departure once the pilots boarded, but given my luck, we didn’t lift off until 9:00 p.m.
So now, I will most likely end up sleeping at the airport, and placed on standby for a morning flight. Why me???? This was supposed to be a short, fun weekend getaway from the cold Boston winter, and now I will be sleeping elsewhere tonight. Gee! What is with my luck lately? --Did I mention I’m experiencing a bumpy ride?? Doesn’t all of this suck? Or does it just suck to be me???? Wait until my parents learn about this, they are going to flip out.
I will keep you guys posted on my likely night in Atlanta.
As an update for all of you curious of my dating or lack there of, well this Thursday, I’m scheduled to go out with Neighbor Boy. That ought to be an interesting date since I’m sure that we both have some expectations for what might transgress at the end of the evening. I know for sure what I look forward to at the end of the date, some good smooching, as we have already done in the past two occasions. Now, my looming question is whether or not he will pay for the wine that we plan to consume or will he expect for us to go dutch? I’ll just say this, no matter how much I might want to make out with him at the end of the date, IF I end up having to pay half of the bill, I CERTAINLY WON’T be making out with him later on…NO WAY! Again, I will keep you guys posted on my random adventures in the dating scene.
Dudes, you know what? Mr. Perverted phone caller is still attempting to contact me on a daily basis. Doesn’t he know that by now I won’t be answering the telephone? I mean, this sick individual has issues. Why would he not have already given up? He is one stupid dude. I can only infer from his behavior, that he feels that since I didn’t give him an opportunity to freak me out completely from listening to whatever he attempted to say to me via his creepy voice, then at this moment, he is feeling unfulfilled…unaccomplished. To that I say…TOO DAMN BAD!!! Why must he seek validation from me? Does he know me personally?
Okay, so classes commence next Tuesday, as well as the damn Work-Study program. Yippy! ---NOT. Now I must juggle 5 classes at school, 10 hours of work-study, 16 hours of internship, and about 6 hours of enrichment project. Yes, this will all be managed by moi for the first 9 weeks of school. Nice! By the time that I graduate from this program, I will be a master in time management, juggling, spreading myself thin, multi-tasking…whatever you’d like to call it.
May the Lord give me the strength!
To all of you who enjoy music, Napster has a special promotion going on…try them for 30 days free of charge, download as many music files as you please and if you cancel prior to the 30 days, you won’t owe them any money. It is a TV promotion that was too good to pass up. I love having the ability to download all the songs I want. It is great, yet a bit addictive since you are able to find new songs as well as old-school song. Absolutely fantastic! ---Right now, I’m jamming to Cameo’s ‘Candy.’
Okay y’all, I’m tired of typing now, so I will sign off. I’ll write next time from land.
Quote of the day: Things are never as bad they may seem, surely they could be worse…at least I’d like to think so.
It is a drab grey Saturday, yuk! Well, I'm back at my cozy apartment. As I sit on my bed and type this post, I'm trying to determine whether or not I wil go stag tonight to a company holiday party. Since my return to my internship on Thursday, all of the staff have been very welcoming and happy to see me back. I think it might be hard for me to say goodbye to them come May at the end of my internship, but at least I'll have that network of professionals in my line of work to tap into, in the case I decide to remain in MA versus moving back to CT, where I have an established professional network anticipating my 2006 graduation.
Anyhow, tonight will be either snowing or drizzling snow showers. I am concerned about ruining my formal wear with snow mix with salt or sand, specifically my silk and Swarovski crystal-heeled shoes, which were way too expensive to not care for.
I was considering using a cab for the roundtrip, however from where I live to the event's location will cost me approximately $20 each way, and in reality this event won't be "all that." As I heard from past attendees, a buffet of hors d' oeuvres will be the only solids served, followed by the typical free beverages: coffee, tea, water and punch. A cash bar will be available, whoop dee doo! Oh and lets not forget the Dj. Cheap social service agencies are not cool.
The idea of attending stag sucks. After my horrendous experience from high school prom, I vowed to NEVER again go to a formal event stag. And I have maintained my vow. If for any reason, I didn't get a date for a formal event, I wouldn't attend. Now, for the first time in over a decade, I mustered sufficient courage to attend stag because some of my colleagues will be stag as well. They all have been encouraging me during these past couple of days to attend. Plus it will be a great opportunity for socialization outside of the office setting. However, now my issue is with tonight's expected weather. What am I to do? My outtfit is hanging outside of my closet, and so is my evening coat, but how would I wear my hair if I do attend?
Now, I don't want you to think that I didn't ask anyone to accompany me to this event because I did; however, my choices (Neighbor Boy, Classmate and Artistic Rep.) were sure fall throughs, so I didn't stand a chance of snagging a date. Neighbor boy had parents in town this weekend, Classmate is still vacationing in Costa Rica and Artistic Rep. no longer speaks to me. Oh well, at least I can't say I didn't try.
On another note, I have laundry to do and food to buy. Darn, none of those are fun. Perhaps I wake up early tomorrow and do it. Okay, I'm hungry now; time to eat.
Quote of the day Here's to taking new steps and ventures in 2005.
"Now is time to say goodbye to all my family...and Baby Jay"
Yes, in an hour and a half, I will be on my way back to Boston. Back to the hustle and the bustle of grad school, work-study, and internship. This vacation was way too short!
Damn those people who created the internship schedule!!!! And while on the subject of damned people...Damn the S.O.B., who stoled my scarf at the Lodge lounge in NYC. My momma had made that scarf for me, when I moved to Connecticut two and a half years ago. I hope that the person, who stoled it may NEVER enjoy it. Moreover, I hope that such person is a smoker and that while on a smoking break, it accidentally catches on fire...that bastard!!! AND a wish for spontaneous combustion of the a**hole, who called me many times last night between 1-2 a.m. to only listen to me say "hello" and not reply. Eventually, this pervert left me a short voicemail message producing heavy breathing noises and some grunts. The last time I heard from this bonehead, as soon as I said "hello," he decided to begin to say something to me in a creepy voice, while doing the heavy breathing bit. I quickly hung up. There was no need for me to listen to his filth. Soon thereafter, I shut the phone off. ---I had a difficult time going back to sleep. I just kept on replaying the creepy voice in my head. Plus, I was trying to figure out, which one of the men that I know, who have my cell number would do such a thing. I came up with the suspicion of one former ex, who I haven't spoken to in almost a year, OR it could have been any one of my new male acquaintances: the neighbor or the Artistic Rep., who both have a deep voice.
Damn it, WHY ME????? I am truly creeped out. I don't think I want to meet any new men for a while.
Quote of the day Peace on earth for all the good and deserving people.
May the year 2005 concede you all your hopes, goals and dreams. May you forever be surrounded by familial love, especially when in the absence of true love.
This year aim to be a better person than you were the last. Always strive to be your overall best!
